Afew weeks ago, my husband chauffeured me over two hours away from home to a small city that, frankly, I’d never heard of until I got the summons. Yes, a few short weeks before that, a message courier came to our front door and delivered a subpoena for me to appear in court as a witness in a divorce hearing.
As a licensed, ordained, and consecrated minister of the gospel, I wear many hats. Most people know me as a church pastor, but even in that role, there are multi-level assignments. In fulfilling one of them, I offer pastoral counseling; not just to the members of my church, but to people in general who desire godly guidance.
Several years back, shortly before the onset of COVID-19—a sister reached out to me and requested Spirit-led counsel. Our consultations were held virtually since she lived many miles and many hours away from me. In one of our earliest meetings, she revealed that she and I had crossed paths in the early 2000s when I was the keynote speaker for an event that she’d helped organize. Somehow, God kept me on her mind and pointed her toward me when she found herself in the position of needing direction for her life and her deeply troubled marriage.
What was originally planned to be a four-session counseling agreement eventually went on for a span of three years. In the beginning, her tears would flow so heavily that there were moments when I could barely understand her words. Over time, as I used the combination of wisdom and the Word of God to educate, encourage, and empower her, I witnessed her gain a great amount of strength and self-worth. The marriage, however, didn’t survive. Instead of situations between her and her husband getting better, they worsened. He refused counseling and was unwilling to make any changes to save their marriage. Ultimately, his verbal abuse turned into emotional manipulation, and that grew to include physical violence. Once, he went so far as to threaten her with a handgun. While he was away from home one day, she made a quiet escape fearful that if he’d known she was going to leave, his need to control her might be taken to an unthinkable new level.
I was one of the few people who knew the entire story, so two years after her departure when the divorce case came to trial, I was summoned. Because I was a witness, the judge instructed the bailiff to have me sit on a bench outside the courtroom. While I couldn’t see the trial as it played itself out, I could hear every single word.
She had great representation. Her attorney hemmed the soon-to-be ex-husband in a corner and caught him in several lies. I heard a man who once vowed before God to love and cherish her do his best to misrepresent her and paint a picture of himself as a good husband and a picture of her as a gold-digging opportunist.
During the lunch break, the attorneys for each party met up and were able to come to a settlement that allowed me to avoid getting on the stand. Personally, I don’t think the husband wanted the truth of all I’d been made privy of to be blasted over the speaker system to the small crowd that had gathered in the courtroom. The case was settled with the divorce being granted and the now, ex-wife, being given what the judge determined to be her fair share of the marital assets. The ruling ended 12 years of marriage.
As a marriage enthusiast, it’s always disheartening to me when I see marriages dissolve. This is especially true when they consist of two people who proclaim to be believers—and even more so when they work together in ministry as was the case with these two.
The wife loved him and tried desperately to hold her marriage together. As her spiritual counsel, I would never tell her what I would do in her situation. My place wasn’t to help her make a decision; it was to give her the Word of God and to encourage her to reach out to the Master for clear direction on what He wanted her to do to find peace and healing in her situation. In the end, God led her to make an exit. And although she walked away with a broken heart, she walked away a whole woman.
In Matthew 9:20-22, we read about a woman with an issue of blood. Ironically, the woman had dealt with that issue for 12 long years. She tried everything but could not find healing. It wasn’t until she reached out to Christ and touched the hem of His garment that she found what she needed. The Bible says, “And the woman was made whole from that hour.”
What’s your issue? Toxic relationships? Bad habits? An unhealthy lifestyle? Sinful behavior? What needs to break in your life?
Sometimes, something has to break in order for us to be whole.
Kendra Norman Holmes is the multi-award winning, eight-time national bestselling author of nearly two dozen faith-based books. She is the CEO of Royalty Ministries International, Inc., a five-fold parent-ministry that houses all of her entrepreneurships, including Royalty Publications, LLC (an independent publishing house for Christian books), The Royal Trumpet (a seasonal online newspaper that shares inspirational news and information), and “The W.A.R. Cry with Dr. K” (which began as a gospel radio program but is changing to a weekly podcast in 2025).
