The Vows Have It

I have been thrust into the role of caregiver/caregiver manager for more than a decade. My husband is chronically ill; his consistent diagnosis is “stroke survivor.” Although his “surviving” can be misleading, I recognize that his condition could be much worse, more taxing, and more debilitating. His cognitive health continues to change without provocation. Each day is a reminder to be grateful for who he is that day.

When we take our wedding vows, it is more ceremonial versus literal. I don’t think we really think about what the “For better or worse” or “In sickness and health” would be like in actuality; the vows all seem hypothetical. And then one day the vows are coming at you like riding a motorcycle through a backyard clothesline!

Initially, you think, “This will be over soon.” Sometimes the “soon” turns into weeks, months, or years; no ending, just changes. What do you do? Sudden and extended illness can take a toll on any relationship, especially a marriage.

When my husband suddenly became ill in 2008, I carried on with the notion that it was temporary. As I waited for things and him to “get back to normal,” I was shell-shocked when it didn’t happen. It took me more than a year to grasp the magnitude of the permanent shift in our marriage. Not only did I have to manage and navigate our children’s teenage years, driving lessons, dating, and college choices, but I also became the healthcare manager and advocate for one more person. I struggled to find the balance between the role of wife and caregiver.

The ongoing series of strokes has rendered him childlike. Imagine living with an adult-sized 6-year-old who is stubborn and willful, sweet and innocent, determined and fixated, and meek and docile. I admit in the earlier years that I got tired, and I questioned whether or not this was God’s plan for me. Was I really supposed to take care of this man-child, and if so, until when?

His onset of illness coincided with the launching of my youth organization and my desire for the same care, advocacy, and grace that I so readily afforded him and others. I was finally pursuing some of my passions and deliberately working towards better physical health. I felt guilty for the time I spent at the gym and the amount of time I spent at meetings and events that supported my organization. I questioned the line, “Til death do us part.” I had a renewed sense of self and was full of ideas to grow and expand my business. I was speaking at various schools and hosting a radio show. I could not be at home and at events that supported my organization’s growth. I had to enlist a sitter who was comfortable assisting him in the bathroom and making sure he did not leave the house. I questioned whether I loved him enough to stay and whether I had the courage to leave. I questioned why God had chosen me. And to be completely transparent, I can’t say that I married my husband because I was madly in love; I was pregnant. The blessing was, he loved me enough for both of us and never wavered. We had been married nearly fifteen years before I recognized the depth of love that he consistently held for me while I thought I was missing it from somewhere else. When it hit me, I fell in love!

Ephesians 5:25-33 compares a husband’s love for his wife to Christ’s love for the church, emphasizing selfless devotion. We recently celebrated 34 years of marriage. Although his cognition continues to decrease, most of the time he remembers that he loves me. We still share inside jokes and cuddle under the covers for the first two hours of sleep before my menopause seeks air. Although I never anticipated the “in sickness” being the glue that would hold our marriage together during the rough spots, I can’t imagine not having him “to hold til death do us part.” Thank God for the Vows.

 

E. Marie Lambert is a self-proclaimed prolific writer and journalist. Her journalistic pursuits include creating and hosting 3 radio shows on WJYN Uptown Radio in Philadelphia, writing, producing, and hosting WPPM-LP Philadelphia’s Block by Block Community Radio, and as a contributing writer to WOW Magazine. During her tenure as a contributing writer at WOW Magazine, she won for most read articles for two of her 6 articles.

E. Marie Lambert

E. Marie Lambert

E. Marie Lambert is a self-proclaimed prolific writer and journalist. Her journalistic pursuits include creating and hosting 3 radio shows on WJYN Uptown Radio in Philadelphia, writing, producing, and hosting WPPM-LP Philadelphia’s Block by Block Community Radio, and as a contributing writer to WOW Magazine. During her tenure as a contributing writer at WOW Magazine, she won for most read articles for two of her 6 articles.

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Charles Cook
Charles Cook
1 month ago

You are a very strong woman. Not many can go through this and keep on. I have a personal experience with seeing how patient and kind you are with your husband regardless of the condition. The Vows we do quote with hopes of things never making a left turn but you truly live the vows and showcase what we as married people must do.

Daffany
Daffany
1 month ago

This almost brought me to tears. Your vulnerability is truly commendable! It is so true that in the moment, our vows don’t feel literal. We say “for better or worse” but we can’t REALLY conceptualize what that means until that day comes. I truly admire you for upholding your vows. Your story is so needed and will be an inspiration to married and future married couples. May God continue to keep you even when you don’t understand the “why.”

Brittany Mixson
Brittany Mixson
1 month ago

Wow, you’re right we don’t often think that the vows we profess on our wedding day will become literal reality. I appreciate your transparency and willingness to share your story.

Curtis Jackson
Curtis Jackson
30 days ago

Awesome read!!

Tiffany Cook
Tiffany Cook
30 days ago

Your story is inspiring and a true depiction of how to honor your marriage vows! ❤️

Brenden Mixson
Brenden Mixson
1 month ago

Amazing writing on this! Well done!

T. McKnight
30 days ago

Taking care of an ill spouse is an incredible act of love, but it can also be physically and emotionally exhausting. What a beautifully written article.

LouAnn C Marinucci
LouAnn C Marinucci
30 days ago

Thank you for your honesty and insight! You model and live out the marriage vows in a way that many of us would like to profess, but haven’t been put to the test to the extent that we may be in the future. You are a blessing to your husband, as well as to those who you inspire daily, including those who know you, and those who are fortunate enough to learn from you through your writing.

Larry Lambert
Larry Lambert
30 days ago

This is beautiful !!! I’m inspired !!

Jeremiah Joseph
Jeremiah Joseph
30 days ago

Powerful!

Gia GilChrist
Gia GilChrist
30 days ago

Beautiful

Ayinde Jenkins
Ayinde Jenkins
29 days ago

I appreciate and admire your honesty and transparency. As I mature, the idea of family and marriage are gaining momentum and these are the testimonials that I needed to hear. Thank you for having the necessary conversations and the confidence to share your story.

Great article!
Great article!
29 days ago

Great article

Erin Greye
Erin Greye
29 days ago

Your story is a beautiful testament to resilience and the power of love. Thank you for sharing so openly and continuing to inspire others💗

India
India
28 days ago

Beautiful story!❤️

Asia Lambert
Asia Lambert
28 days ago

Wow! I’m a witness to this great love!!

carolyn johnson
carolyn johnson
27 days ago

Thank you, Marie, for so honestly sharing your story as a woman coming into her own, a mother guiding growing children and at the same time being a caregiver for your beloved husband. Your writing is clear as a bell and resonates with me.

Jackie Daniel
Jackie Daniel
26 days ago

WOW… such a powerful story.. While reading many times had to stop, re-read, question and pray.. Thank you for being so open.

Lauren Holman
Lauren Holman
21 days ago

Beautifully written article! So powerful!

Halimah
Halimah
17 days ago

Congratulations on writing this heartfelt article. Many individuals could and should take a lesson out of this beautiful playbook, on marriage and passion towards your spouse. I pray continue success for you and yours. Peace, Halimah A

Dee
Dee
17 days ago

This is awesome. It is the strength of God working with and in Marie. Praying God’s continued blessings to you and your family. Great is His faithfulness

Bahiya
Bahiya
17 days ago

Thank you for sharing your inspiring love story. I admire your transparency. It’s a blessing to know that there are individuals that still honor their sacred vows. May you have many more years to come.

Angelique Johnson
Angelique Johnson
17 days ago

Such a beautifully written description of one of the many circumstances that can exist within marriage. As a single woman who desires marriage, I appreciate your transparency in illustrating what those sacred vows look like in action. Your husband and family are blessed to have you.

Great article!
Great article!
29 days ago

That’s great! Where I work at its all white residents at Brookdale senior living. It’s only one black person. Goes to say we black people takes care of our own. But the whites put there’s in assistant living. I applause you for doing what you doing. Much love ❤️ to you ❤️ to you sis!

Sylania
Sylania
17 days ago

Love the vulnerability and the honesty!

Maria Maldonado
Maria Maldonado
15 days ago

I enjoy reading your past and present articles. I’m able to leave a review because I see first hand the love, respect and attention you have and give Mr. Lambert. Writing your heart out about your personal struggles and feelings motivates and encourages others to do the same. You have a gift keep showing the world how amazing and talented you are. Can’t wait to read what’s to come. May god continued to give you strength, patience and peace.

K. Jackson
K. Jackson
14 days ago

Thank you for the article and your transparency. I often wonder “if” God showed us our future before our “in the beginning,” what would our response be before we walk down “life’s aisle?” “Most of the time he remembers that he loves me. We still share inside jokes and cuddle under the covers for the first two hours of sleep…” To read such poetic, intimate, and endearing expressions, I believe your response to God (and to your husband), would have been and will always be, “I do” and “I will.” Truly inspirational!

Amelia Taylor
Amelia Taylor
13 days ago

This is a great story of unconditional love and loyalty to your vows.

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